and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
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My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
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my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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