every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
