Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
