When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
