I just made out with a guy for $7.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
