dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
