Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
