...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
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Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
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I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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