Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
