Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
