I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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