If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
