How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
