i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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