I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
