Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
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Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
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I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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