I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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