can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
