I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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