That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Who died my cat blue again?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
