yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
