i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
