He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
home. puking in laundry basket.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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