i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
