Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
