I'm going to jail i love you
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
