we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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