honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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