All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
