Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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