ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
