Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
