I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
