I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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