he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
