Barsexuality is the new black.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
