just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
