her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend