but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
