How is your vagina???
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.