Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
What happened to fro yo and sex?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?