life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.