is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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