Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
