What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
