Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
