ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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