what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
