Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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