On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
This toilet bowl is my home.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
