Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
