eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
