I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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