bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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