i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
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