You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Congratulations! We have a period
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
