either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
