i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
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He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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