there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
