In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
