don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
