***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
