spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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