Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
