Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
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Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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