This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Vodka?
Forever.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Randomize
