i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
