is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
