You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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