really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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