so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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