can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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