So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
