What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
