i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So much rum. So many feels.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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