He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
