I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
