She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
