I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
