She's JV to your varsity
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My liver just broke up with me...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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