why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
