if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
