Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she looked like the before picture.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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