the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
