so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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