Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I will pee on everything he values.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
