The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
