I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
