If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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