I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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