i already hear my dad disowning me
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
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he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
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Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
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