A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i've created a new STD.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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