Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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