if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
