I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
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Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize